


Beautiful Monster

by Invictusimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comforting Castiel, Comforting Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sam, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:33:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2628557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invictusimpala/pseuds/Invictusimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sam, you are beautiful, you are no monster."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt I received on my tumblr. Thank you so much for reading, enjoy :)

Sam curls in on himself. It’s been a rough year, he thinks, and tries not to sniffle too loudly.

Dean’s back, and so is Castiel, and everything seems to be fixed but _it’s not_.

The door to his room is closed, and every time someone knocks he pretends he’s sleeping. Dean and Castiel both enter his room three or four times, checking on him, and he kicks his legs until they leave.

He knows he should probably seek some comfort from them, help, but he doesn’t deserve it after everything he’s done. From not supporting Dean through what he was doing that caused him to resort to the mark of Cain, and then torturing and killing demons and people alike to get him back.

All his fault.

 _Monster_.

Tears slip down his cheeks, and he buries his head down further between pillows, pulling the covers up higher on his face.

Someone knocks at the door, and he freezes.

“Sam? Sam are you feeling alright?” Castiel asks, and he feels a warm hand touch his foot. He pulls it back.

“Sammy, you okay? Are you sick?” Dean asks, and the duvet is pulled back from his face. He ducks so he’s hiding in the sheets. Dean cards a hand through his hair, and a sob shakes his body. “Sammy?” Dean asks, and Sam pulls away from his touch even though he longs to lean into it.

“Leave me alone, I’m a monster.”

“Sam, what are you talking about?” Castiel asks, and he shakes his head.

“Sammy, come here,” Dean reaches to get him to sit up, but he stays resolutely glued to the mattress as he is.

“Sam, sit up, please,” Castiel begs, and he does. Dean inhales sharply, and Sam rubs at the tears running down his cheeks that don’t seem to ever stop.

“Oh, Sam,” Castiel reaches out, but Sam bats his hand out of the way. They both look hurt, guilty, and it makes Sam feel worse, stomach churning with his own guilt.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?” Dean asks quietly, genuine concern crossing his face, and Sam has a hard time looking him in the eye.

“Dean, I --” his voice cracks, and it feels like he can’t continue but he does. “Dean, I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t excuse what I did, but --”

“Sam, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Dean, I’m a monster. I pushed you away, and then I did . . . Dean, I did down right horrible things to get you back. I don’t know how you two can even look at me. Cas, I treated you so badly, using you like some sort of --”

“Sam, stop. Just . . . stop.” Dean says, and they both slip into bed next to him, pulling him into their sides. He breaks down, and he’s not shedding any tears but the sobs are racking his body, shaking him both physically and mentally.

“Sam, you are beautiful, you are no monster. What you did to save Dean was loyal and I am proud of you for seeking my help, alright?” Castiel whispers into his ear, and Sam cries harder. He’s never been this emotional, totally and completely falling apart. After all this time holding it in, years and years of it, he needs to let it out, Sam thinks.

Dean kisses his neck, and Castiel kisses his face until the loud sounds die down into chopped breathing. When that calms, Sam feels bone tired, all but falling asleep in their arms.

His eyes sting and his stomach hurts. 

“Sam,” Dean kisses him on the mouth, and Castiel does after him. He sighs, lets them pull him under the covers with them. “There’s nothing you need to feel bad for, okay? What’s done is done, in the past, and we don’t need to worry about it. All you need to worry about is sleeping and eating, maybe kissing Cas and I every once in a while.” Sam laughs weakly, and he can feel Castiel’s smile against the skin of his shoulder.

“Sam, nothing you’ve ever done in your past can make me hate you now, I love you all the more as it makes you who you are.”

“Sammy, you’ll always be my brother, and I love you so much, okay?” Dean kisses him on the forehead, and he closes his eyes, humming happily. The weight on his chest is lifting, making the heaviness on his shoulders dissipate.

He falls asleep in their hold, warm and content.

 _Safe_.

In the morning he doesn’t feel so troubled, feels like he belongs here in the bunker with Dean and Castiel, his lovers, and he feels even more like he belongs with their mouths attached to his neck, sucking bruises there to claim him as their own, mark him as theirs.

Sam ends up returning the favor, and it’s the best he’s felt in a long, _long_ time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a prompt I received here. Thank you so much for reading, enjoy :)

The next night, after Sam falls to sleep between him and Cas like always, Dean starts to think about what he’s done. After Sam’s big freak out, Dean figures it’s his turn.

“Cas," Dean says, "if what Sam’s done qualifies him as a monster, what does that make me?” Castiel turns to him with a concerned, serious look.

“Dean, what you did wasn’t you, it was the demon, okay? There’s nothing to blame you for.”

“Do you know how many people I killed? I mean, on the grand scheme of things I’ve killed a hell of a lot more people, but all these were humans and innocent, Cas. I’ve never done that before.” Dean whispers, and Castiel pulls him further under the covers, putting an arm around him, and therefore around Sam as well. Sam sighs in his sleep, and Dean kisses him on the lips.

He falls back to sleep, and Dean talks quieter.

“What am I going to tell Sam? I mean, you already know but he doesn’t know everything. He’s going to hate me.”

“He’ll never be able to hate you, Dean. The worst possible thing to happen is he gets mad and doesn’t talk to you in a few days.”

“Gee, thanks, Cas.” Dean groans, throwing arm over his face.

“Dean, if anyone is to blame it’s me.”

“You have done nothing wrong, Cas, trust me. It’s just old classic Winchester guilt, I think,” Dean sighs, and Castiel’s thumb brushes over his arm, the warmth of it familiar and comforting.

“Hang on.” Castiel says. He moves Sam to his side of the bed, and he sprawls, groaning in his sleep. Castiel fits himself in next to Dean, kissing him slowly, wrapping his arms and legs with his own, licking into his mouth, sucking on his tongue.

Dean makes a surprised noise, kissing back. Castiel breaks away and he breathes hard.

“I love you, Dean Winchester, and I love your brother just as much. You both are the most worthy of my love on the entire planet. You both have nothing to beat yourselves up over, do you understand me?” Castiel kisses him again.

“Okay. Okay, Cas.” Dean says, and Castiel smiles. 

“Sam’s not going to be happy we did this while he was sleeping.”

“If he wants to join he’ll have to wake up on his own.” Dean says, and kisses Castiel square on the mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://www.invictus-impala.tumblr.com)  
>  I am taking prompts there, if you're interested :)  
> (More info on that [here](http://invictus-impala.tumblr.com/post/99871679299/about-prompts-im-now-taking-prompts-yay-if-you))


End file.
